One day at a time

Going up to his room today I admit I was worried on what i would see. He had a not to great day yesterday so yes I was worried what I would see when I entered his room. As I walked up I felt instant relief. The UV light was gone his color looked better and he wasn't as swollen as he was yesterday and he looked so much more comfortable. His main worse wasn't in teh room at the time but I didn't need to be told that he was doing better. I had called that morning and was told that they had gotten his meds better and that he was peeing much better.

They did lower the respirator for a time to check to see how he would do without it they said he did well but they wanted hi to stay on it until tomorrow. And the best part of my visit today? He woke up and looked about a lot. he was very calm while he was awake just layed there content. he wasn't grimacing are getting upset with us talking. I rubbed his head and his eyes closed, seemed he really liked it. When I talked to him he looked over at me ♥. It truly was a better day.

Ups and downs

Going to start by saying not in the best of moods right now so if this post seems a bit down there's a reason.

I went and to work for four hours today because my maternity is only vacation time and the more time I take off the less I have when little A gets home. I wasn't happy at the thought of it this morning cried a little but to be honest it wasn't that terrible. I think I need the distraction right now. Sure I'm still hurting a bit but its not that bad. Like I said the distraction helped. Anyways work is nothing compared to the other thing going on in my life right now.

I went and saw little A after work and I knew he would look worse before I got there I mean it was a day after a big surgery, but ti was still so beyond hard to see him. He's right arm is very swollen due to the IV in his hand. He has IVs in both hands and one foot and the other foot has a monitor on it/ All of which appear to be very tender because of it.

He hasn't been peeing enough and has caused excess fluid on his lungs. The respiratory is helping with that and becasue of this it sounds like its staying for longer then they had originally estimated. Not coming out until the very earliest Saturday. Also becasue he isn't peeing enough he is jaundice and has fluorescent lights on him. His face is covered in a mask to protect his eyes. Also can't get really good pictures becasue the light and my camera do not mix.

He has a feeding tube in his nose and is getting a small amount of breast milk every hour to see if he can tolerate it. They say if he does they will increase the amount tomorrow. I didn't stay as long as I had originally planned I couldn't handle see him today. Every time the nurse checked on him he'd grimace or flinch. they needed to measure his tummy and I could tell that really hurt him. I tried to talk to him a little but even then he seemed agitated by it and when I touched his knee.. one of the few places that didn't have tubes or monitors he'd move away from the touch. Basically I did my best to not start crying in that room made it to my car and cried my eyes out... I'm crying as I type this now. I can't stand seeing him in so much pain it breaks my heart.

Open heart surgery

What a long day. It started off early. I got up at 5:30 so I could pump before getting ready to go to Primarys. I wanted to see my little Aiden before he was taken back for surgery which we were told was at 8:30. Sucky part of that time is that they are closed from 7-8 for shift change so I knew I would have a very short time with him before he was taken back. Well we got there and learned that his operation was pushed back to 10 due to an unforeseen problem. AKA another child had a problem and the anesthesiologist needed to take care of that child first. I didn't mind I had more me with my little man! Now we did leave for a few minutes because hubby and I had yet to eat breakfast our plans had been to eat after he was taken to surgery but since there was a wait we went and got some food.

After a quick breakfast we were back in his room. I stood by his little bed the whole time. And at 9:30 they said they were ready to take him for surgery. Russ and I followed him down. I did my very best to keep calm and not cry my eyes out. Not an easy task to do at all!. Finally we reached as far as we could go I gave him two kisses and left for the waiting room. 

About half hour after we were sitting there one of the doctors came out to tell us that he was being prepped and would be put on bypass in about hour. It was only about 45 minutes after that we were told that he was on bypass and was still doing well.

My parents showed up about an half hour after that with Connor. Who did OK in the waiting room, but did have many walks with grandpa to help calm him down. I was very thankful dad helped with that becasue I didn't dare leave that room! I didn't want to miss a single update. By the way the amount of people in and out of the in and out patient surgery waiting room was many more then I ever would have thought! We were there longer then most. But yes we saw a lot of families coming in and out waiting for the outcome of surgery for there kiddos.

Little over an hour after the last update the Doc came back and told us that everything went well, there had been little bleeding and he was off of bypass and they were working on closing him up. Hour r so after that the surgeon came out to talk to us. The defect had been very small and they had cut it out sewed the two ends together and patched the wound. Waiting to be able to go back to see him seemed to take the longest of all of the waiting, becasue I just wanted to see him already. Finally we were able to go back and I knew what I was going to see I tried my best to prepare myself for what was to come and I must admit he looked better then most babies I had seen after having heart surgery. his color was great! he was still his beautiful pink self. That alone made me feel good. The nurse explained all of the lines in him and I'll post pics of him  and try to explain what some of the lines you see are. He has many IVs a for different meds he was on including a pain killer of course! Also he was getting some blood, his own blood that was taken out during the surgery.

OK lest see how much of all this I remember. the big tubes going out of his tummy is collecting blood that is bleeding from his wound. Its normal.  Hes on a breathing tube to help him breath until he is healed up for a time. They say they may be able to take it out tomorrow. We'll see a baby in the room next to him had surgery yesterday and he still has his breathing tube (though he's much smaller and much paler then my little guy). The little pad on his forehead is reading his pulse ox. he has two wires going to his heart one is measuring his blood pressure at each heart beat the other is the blue wound up wire on his right side. Its a pacemaker and when i left they had not needed to sue it. I hope it stays that way. the rest of the tubes are his IVs.

I called a half hour ago to check on him and his night nurse is really nice. Like all the rest of the nurses she keeps going on about his little chubbiness. Most of the babies in the CICU are not chubby they are very small like I said he looks so much better then most of the babies there. And no I'm not just saying that becasue I'm his mom the nurses have hinted at it to. Anyways he's stable and doing well and has slept most of the time, which I'm glad about sleep little guy and heal. Oh I did see him move once while I was i the room with him. His nurse placed a stethoscope on him to check him and his little legs kicked up in surprise, made me smile.

Big day tomorrow

I'm so on edge right now tomorrow is the day and I'm still waiting for the surgeon to call and talk to me :/. Maybe they'll talk to me in the morning? I don't know.  I feel helpless and useless and very frustrated. I spent three hours with my little Aiden today just holding him for as long as I could because it will be sometime before I can hold him again.  Doesn't help that right now Connor is really acting up and hubby got home late from work. Everything that I didn't need happened. Only one good thing happened today Aiden opened his eyes and looked at me.I really needed that

I'd go on more about today but I'm not in the right sate of mind for this and I'll just end it with a picture.

More answers and brothers

Today we took Connor to see his brother. Nurses said it would be fine for him to see him and since we felt he needed to see him one more time before his surgery that today would be the best day. Connor was great about it he kept saying I like him and he's cute. he was also very gentle with his brother which was also good.

Milk and Oxygen

I called Aiden's nurse this morning and heard something that made my day he got to drink some of my breast milk! Our plans on who was going to go got changed becasue poor hubby he has a hernia and normally it doesn't bother him but today it fell out and he could barely walk or move, was in a lot of pain so could not go up to the hospital with me :/.  I did not want to leave Connor with him either because of the amount of pain he was in. Thankfully my parents are always willing to help. I technically should not be driving due to one of the pain killers I am on at the moment.  So my dad came over and picked up Connor and myself. We dropped of Connor at my mom's house and my dad and I went up to Primarys. Since it was Sunday and we usually eat at my  Mom's house for dinner Russ (made him take some of my ibuprofen, they gave me three months worth) was finally feeling better enough and drove over to my Mom's house and so was there when we got back.


When we got there I sat down in my usually chair and just held my little Aiden which is mainly all I can do but I need that time and I do feel he needs it to. He is very cuddly. I learned while I was there that occasionally he is having dips with his oxygen levels and they at first were blowing oxygen onto him, but were going to add nose prongs to make sure he was getting enough.

After holding him for a bit the nurse asked if I wanted to feed him. And of course I said yes! So after changing him into a clean diaper and nice new blanket I was given him back and a bottle. It took me some time to get him to settle down I tried feeding him a few times with the bottle (picture below shows the one attempt that he did drink for a moment). I eventually had to give up and used both arms to hold him very tightly to me. That finally settled him down and he began to relax, dad then gave him his bottle while I cuddled closely to my little boy.

My nurse said he opened his eyes for her! but has yet to for me and she said his eyes looked blue. Man I wish he would open them for me! I know I'll see them eventually but yeah :/. Oh and had a cute moment with Connor a few minutes ago. I started crying like I doeveryday right now. he looked over at me and said "you miss your Aiden?" I nodded he came over patted my arm said it'll be OK and gave me a big hug. Boy did I need that right then.

All about Aiden

Every time I go and see my little guy I am trying to soak up every little detail of him. One thing I do want to see is his eyes and he has yet to open them when I am there. Now they do look a little swollen and I'm pretty sure it because of all the different medicines that they have him on. I know I'll be able to see them eventually but I would love to see him now! Also he's always asleep which yes I know newborns sleep but still I just want him to open those eyes and look at me :/. I'm figuring I'll have plenty of that when he gets home. Whenever that will be/ I am really hoping he'll be home in time for Easter, but its all up in the air. His surgery date has been changed it is now Wednesday at 8:30 am. No one has told me why they changed it, but I figured that out on my own. there is another baby in the room next to him that also need surgery and that ones surgery is on Tuesday, he must need more then Aiden.

I took a few pictures today of his room. figured that since this is his home right now I should take a picture of it.

And here is him in this little incubator and of course all the wires and tubes.

Finally got one of him not bundled up you can see that his little legs are swollen imagine its because of the blood pressure cuff ad everything else they have for monitoring my precious little boy.

All of his medicine is being administered through his umbilical cord.

Today I went up with my parents wile hubby stayed home with Connor. Tomorrow were going to drop Connor off with grandma and grandpa and mommy and daddy will be spending time with our little guy. Now I must say even though he's basically asleep whenever I'm there I have noticed some of his personality. Whenever I am holding him and move him a little or say remove one of my arms he instantly scrunches up his face and starts crying and will not stop until I put my arm back where it was. So yes my three day old keeps telling off mommy for moving because he's comfy darn it! Oh how I can not wait for the day that he is in my arms and not in a hospital and not hooked up to all of those monitors and medicines. As hubby says this is just a small fraction of his life, a blink of an eye. These weeks will go and then he'll be ours for the res of our lives, which we may not have had if his heart defect had not been caught.

I'm already storing breast milk for him, my milk is finally starting to come in and though he can't have it yet :/ he'll have plenty once he can eat after his surgery.

Mommy, Daddy and big brother love you Aiden!

Aiden's birth story

I'm going to do my best to write this all down while its still fairly fresh in my mind. I may muddle a few things, I'm hurting right now and on pain meds so will see how this goes.

On the morning of March14th we dropped Connor off at my Mom's who was planning to come up later as my induction progressed. As we arrived at the hospital and given a room that contained a window that connects to the U's NICU. I was given a pill that would help soften my cervix and start me to contract. The nurse whose name was Pam and was a really nice lady told me that for most patients it would cause light cramping and I would be checked in four hours. That was at 10:20. Well the light cramping turned in to contractions fairly quickly. Which became much more painful when Pam asked me to lay on my right side because little A's heart rate dropped after each contraction. I knew I wanted an epidermal at some point and I was told right from the start that I could have it at anytime, but I waited.

I  remembered how painful getting the epidural was last time and I didn't feel the pain I was feeling was enough to have one yet. For the first four hours it was just Russ and me. My mom, and dad stayed at home at first becasue they had Connor with them. I didn't want them to come until I knew it wouldn't take to much longer. Anything to help keep Connor from getting to overally bored. After four hours of the pill and continually increased contractions I finally asked for an epidural. And yes it was as ad as I remembered from last time. After they finally got it in right.. felt like it took a half hour before they got the right spot I was finally feeling no pain, though my back still feels bruised from it. I called my parents to come on up once they started pit, because I knew once that was dded I would get a lot closer to giving birth to little A. They showed up and Connor automatically ran up to me and held my hand asked if I was in pain and then was going off on asking for a Doctor to come in and check on me. It was really cute.

It was around 5 at that time and we were all just talking about little things. I was moved to lay on my side which cause me to start feeling the contractions on the side I was not on. I just beared through tit trying not to show that I was in to much pain while Connor was in there. I really didn't want to scare him because I knew future events would b hard enough on him he didn't need to see me in tons of pain. Finally I had to interrupt the conversation we were all having because the last three contractions I felt like  I really needed to push and though I had not been checked for hours I knew it was time to go.

So two doctors and two nurses come rushing in check me and yup ten centimeters and they could already see his head. After I'm not kidding about 15 minutes of pushing Aiden was here (6:41pm). I heard him give out a small cry and they lifted him up and before I knew it he was passed through the open and window and was gone :/  That was not an easy moment I so desperately had wanted to hold him but did not get the chance.  I had second degree tearing and the stitching seemed to take longer then me pushing. I needed a lot of stitches and yes I am still sore from it.  They did briefly open the window were I could here my son screaming, best sound in the world at the moment, to learn that he was 7 pounds 23 ounces, 1 pound smaller then his bog brother.

After they finished cleaning and stitching me up I was moved to a special sectio of the maternity ward. One for mothers who could not have there babies with them. Finally at about 8:30 my son was wheeled into the room. He was in a special incubator used for life flights, so that all of his monitors could go with him. His feet and legs were a bit blue in color which i knew was a sign of a heart defect.

Connor didn't seem to notice nor care what his brother was in, he was just very happy to see him. After I touched my little Aiden the med team mentioned that his brother  could come up and see him and asked me about touching him I of course said yes and they opened a window so Connor could touch his feet.  Connor's second touch brought a small smile to Aiden's face. I did take pictures of the two brothers first moments together.

Unfortunately my camera came out a little fuzzy, but that's ok. My hubby left with the team as they took my sweat beautiful boy over to Primary's. I told my family after he left that they should go to because I was watching Connor and knew he was being pushed to his limits and really needed to be taken home.  After they left I turned on the TV and tried not to get to overally emotional (and yes I had and still am having emotional moments!) and decided to start pumping while I waited for my husband to come back.

After he came back we both tried to get some rest. I'll be honest rest did not come easy for me that night. I wanted to know how Aiden was but with it being as late as it was I knew there would be little answers until the morning. On Thursday I got over to Primarys via wheelchair as soon as I possibly could,. I did need to wait until my pain meds kicked in. but once there I felt instant relief as I looked at my boy.

When we first got there the nurse was not in there but it wasn't long before some one came in and I had what I had needed since the night before. he was in my arms and I was happy and instantly exhausted.

It was about ten minutes after we were there that the Cardiologist came in and confirmed the the fetal diagnosis. he does in fact have and only have Coarctation of the Aorta. That night I did loose it and cried for about an hour. I knew he needed to be were he was but I just wanted him in my arms once more. One of my day nurses who was just an awesome lady went over to see him and dropped off some of the milk er ok the pre milk I had pumped and she said when she came back that he just didn't look like he belonged there. Without knowing he had a heart defect you really would have thought he was perfectly healthy. His feet had pinked up, most likely because of the meds they have him on, but I ma thankful at how healthy he looks and with how big he is! His Hawaiian blood definitely shows with his weight :).

Now I did go on hold him again today before I was discharged  from the hospital and will be going back up tomorrow and every day after until he is home. It sounds like he will be having heart surgery on Tuesday. they are talking about going under his arm but last I heard they were not hundred percent sure. They were going to do another echo which I have called and asked about, last time I checked they had not consulted yet. I figure I will know much more information at my trip tomorrow. I will update more as son as I know more.