Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Guilt.

I work because I have to not because I want to. Do I feel guilty sometimes that I have to work and can't be with my boys more? Of course I do.  I want to be with my boys! But life doesn't always work the way you want it to. I am tired of hearing the whole debate of being a working mom or a stay at home mom. I wish I could be a stay at home mom like my mom she was always there for us, she still is. I wish I could be there for them at every moment of there lives to not miss some of there firsts. I missed quiet a few of Aiden's because of his first few weeks in the hospital. I mean it was a week before I even got to see his eyes!



If I could have been there more for him those first few weeks I would have but I need to save my time for now, for all of the appointments I have to take Aiden to.  I cut my maternity leave short for all the Doctor appointments was it hard yes. Is it still hard? Yup.  On the days he has an appointment, like today I get up really early (4:30) get ready and drop my boys off at grandmas and head in to work.  Normally I leave get him go to the appointment, take him back to Grandma's and go back to  work. Occasionally deepening on what time his appointment is I do not go back to work, like today I worked 6 hours and am taking to hours of payed time off. I saved it  I can use it! But certain people sure do try to make you feel guilty about not going back to work. It the ones who have no children of there own. Oh he's getting his shots today well you cans till come back after... you have your mom to watch him anyways he's in good hands!  I hear that from time to time when I call in becasue one of my boys are sick. Yes I have some one  to watch them but I'm there MOM and so its my job to take care of my boys! Ok I'm  done bitching.

Now onto the appointment. he gained 4 ounces on the last week I good start for him! But he does need to gain more so his pediatrician wants to add micro lipids to his diet. Basically it just adds a little more calories to each bottle he takes. Since we have to thicken his bottles it dilutes the amount of calories that he is getting.  Now he was really really cute at the appointment. he kept smiling at the nurse the whole time she was there and when they did the pulse ox check he giggled when she put the monitor on his foot. After that she kept calling him M.r Giggles so cute! Oh and his pulse ox looked great his sats levels were 98%! Yay back when he was on oxygen it kept dipping below 90.. hence the oxygen its nice to now there normal now :).


While there I made Connor's appointment for his 4 year check up, this one makes me nervous he does not like shots and will fight with things he does not like. Daddy is thinking of coming with me for that appointment because it may require both of us to keep him still while the shots are given so that he doesn't get hurt. He is really strong and could make that part very difficult!

2 comments:

Telisha Garris said...

I love that he is growing and that his oxygen level is so high!
I had to work the first year of my girls life (my mother also watched her) but as you know my mama past away - with that my husband and I had to choose drastic measures - we sold my car, claimed bankruptcy and I stayed home.
We just couldn't afford child care.
I LOVE staying home with the kids - but its been hard & money is tight - still.
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you choose, home or work, it will have its own set of problems.
Next month thankfully our bankruptcy will be off our credit!!!
Never feel bad for doing what you must to take care of them - especially not when he needs a good insurance and extra money to PAY for all his health issues!!!

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

It's such great news that he's doing so well and is such a happy giggly baby. Is there anything cuter than baby giggles?

The whole working vs SAH debate is a lose-lose situation, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't! Family-care is the next best thing to being with Mum/Dad so you're doing the right thing there. The boys will have a fantastic relationship with their grandparents as they grow up so that's a bonus.

Reading your blog has really opened my eyes to how lucky we are in the UK. I still can't quite get my head round a BABY being charged for their essential medical care. We can also apply for Tax Credits if we have children and Working Tax Credits if we do work. There's extra money for disabled kids too plus a carer's allowance. It's not a fortune but it really helps Mums be there during the early years.