Saturday, August 23, 2014

Can't sleep

I'm laying here listening to my son sleeping knowing how beru lucky we are he is here alive and well. If we had him say thirty years earlier would he have survived his first year? I'm not sure. If the ultrasound technician hadn't second guessed the twenty week ultrasound I'm not sure I can say we would be in the good position that we were in. His story had the potential to end much differently.

Four heart babies have died this week. I... It kills me to think about this. They never made it to the first birthday most of their short lives was spent in the hospital. It just isn't fair. But who said life was fair? Because it's not. This year has shown me over and over that life simply is not fair and it is not always easy.

I mean let's look at this way Ausen is alive partially due to the Loss of another family. During his open heart surgery his heart was stopped and a piece of his tiny aorta was removed and replaced with the  tissue of a donor. Somewhere out there is a family who I owe a debt to one that I feel can never fully be repaid. I know I  am rambling  right now it's late and a just ache for the families who have dealt with a lose I can not fathom. My boys are my life and all I can say is thank you, thank you for donating. I will do the only thing I can think if to pay it forward be a donor myself.

I wish more people saw how the world I have been thrown into can be. I am and always shall be a heart mom it has changed me in ways I did not know where possible i and my husband find ourselves when talking about heart kids as just saying our kids. How frustrated we have been in the lack of funds for research . People have asked me what caused Aiden's heart defects simply put we have no idea most of the families who have children with heart defects do not know . It just happens and without proper funding and research we may never fully understand.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Decision made

Ok so my brother use to work at that school and he said Connor would be better off at the school by our house. Education wise it's not that great . So that problem is now solved.


Can I just say life for us right now is crazy??? Should be little obvious with my posts as of late. Must decide on something ASAP. Connor who was suppose to start school on the second may be starting earlier. Depending in what we decide to do! Got a call today he had been accepted to a charter school! I did want him to go to one just... School starts tomorrow, yeah. Which means he will start school a few days late we also did not get orientation. Decisions, decisions. Have until Friday to decide. Thinking about what we should do! Smaller class sizes, rules less strict but that's a quick change on when he starts!!!

Also one thing i did not mention on Monday was bedsides beings Aiden's surgery date it was also my mother in laws first birthday since her passing :(. I know hubby struggled with it. It has really been a hard year for us to say the least.

And that is why I want to say how thankfully I am for my boys. They have brought me a new perspective in life. Connor is so quick to make holes and works do hard to make me laugh and Aiden? Oh this kid amazes me do much he is so strong! He is not on any pain meds. They gave us plenty he just doesn't need them cause he is acting completely normal! Wow just wow kid thanks got showing me what it is to be strong. And thank you Connor in showing me it's ok to laugh in even the hardest if situations.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014


Aiden is doing really well. He isn't in pain and not even on any pain meds! We're in the process of bring discharged right now :).

Monday, August 18, 2014


I forgot to mention earlier that the one that leaked was almost two inches long. The other one was much smaller. Right now we are in a room and he will be staying the night. So far he seems pretty good overall.


After a four hour delay they finally got him in. They are closing him up now. They do not have to remove his tonsils and after they are done and he is still out there going to do an echo cardiogram.


Surgery has been delayed he was suppose to go In at 11:45. Now it's not until one.
We're just waiting right now to take him back.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Surgery info

Monday is A's surgery and we are to be at the hospital to check in at 10:15 mst and the surgery is set for 11:45 baring no emergencies. The surgery is suppose to last three hours I will update when I can on that day.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

That's one more thing done

Well the dying trees in my yard are down. That's one more thing off of my very long list.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Aquarium fun

So we all decided that we needed yo have some fun before Aiden's surgery next week and before Connor starts school. Earlier this year the aquarium opened and we finally went to see it today it was a lot of fun!

Wednesday, August 6, 2014


(Little warning with the mood I'm in this post will most likely be full of sarcasm and some swearing, sure I'm born and raised in Utah but I'm not Mormon.)

There seriously are times I ask my self why the hell do I not drink??? The past while has really, really been testing me a lot. For example work we have a building, never mind we don't. Ok now we have it oh wait... Gah!!!!! So no we do not have the new building yet more delays upon delays . Probably because it's not privately owned its owned by the state! And yeah giveemt sure likes to make things easy right? Hah. You would think they would be happy to get someone into a building that has been unoccupied for eleven years? Yes? Maybe?? Hopefully...

Aiden has surgery in less then two weeks and yea I am anxious and have been having anxiety attacks. It's not as big of what he has had in the past but it's still SURGERY!i still have to hand my baby over to doctors and kiss him good bye. 

Talking about Aiden just got a five hundred medical bill from something done in match and there giving ten days to pay it. Umm thanks for that! Can't even figure out what he had that day? Shot maybe? Yeah don't have a fucking clue. Calling them tomorrow.

And on the medical stuff took Connor yesterday to register for kindergarten and they told me he was not up to date on his hep b shot? His six month was given on December 29 but oh no it should have been on the 31st so oh no they won't count it as done! WTF??? Thankfully his doctor is awesome and they have already dealt with it.

Let's see what else? Oh yeah my newly fixed car air conditioner broke again! It worked for a week... Also the two big trees in our yard are dying and we are having them removed next week. Thankfully my parents are helping with this one there putting the cost of it (2500 bucks) on their loan  so I can do payments. So going to ask again why the fuck do I not drink???

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, August 4, 2014

Repeat of little kid survey done last year.

Last years answers are in blue.

1. What is your favorite TV show?  Jack and the Neverland Pirates
Jake and the Neverland Pirates
2.What is one thing you like about yourself? My dimple
 My butt... (boy through and through)
3. What is your favorite thing to eat for supper?  Cheese burger
4.What is your favorite color? Blue
5. What do other kids think about you?  Thinks I'm funny.
That I am an old kid but I'm not I'm a little kid.
6. What is your favorite song?  Twinkle twinkle little star
 The imagination movers songs.
7.What do you like best about mommy? Hair
8. What is your favorite school subject (or is this case, what are you excited to learn about in school when you start?) drawing
 To read.
9. What is your favorite video game?  Robot fighting
10. How do you feel when you have to do chores around the house?  When I clean up I sweat.
11. What do you like best about daddy? His smile
  His arm it's big and strong 
12. What do you like best about your teacher? na
13. What is your favorite movie? Bugs bunny
14. When do you think your bed time should be? Staying  up late
15. What do you like to do in your free time? Exercise 
 Play zombies
16. What do you want to be when you grow up?  A doctor
 I Don't know
17. What kind of people do you like?   Mommy
18. What is one thing you would change about yourself? Nothing actually
 My hand it's sticky.
19. What kind of people do you not like?  Bad guys 
 Nurses they give shots.
20. If you had lots of money, what would you do with it? Save it
  Buy a popsicle

Saturday, August 2, 2014

So sometimes there lack of communication at my job is frustrating! Found out that they did get the building so for the moment my hubby's and my job is safe! Though I have a new area once it started they have let go about five people and instead of being the runner and helping everyone I'm now over waste water which is what I am helping with over at the other lab.

Friday, August 1, 2014

No real new news.

Feel like I am in extreme limbo right now. Still at the other lab working. So far after two weeks of trying to buy a new building that is already set up to be a lab they have not yet been able to finalize it! Its owned by the state so I am guessing there is red tape galore. If they can not get this building I... I have no idea what we are going to do :(. Just beyond frustrated with it all right now. Hate not knowing what will happen its been 21 days and I feel like we have gotten nowhere so far.