Monday, January 30, 2012

Complete change of perspective

The diagnosis of my son has truly changed my perspective on everything. I use to go to a board a lot that had other women who are due at the same time that I am. Now I avoid it. The questions and fears of the women on this site seems so petty and well silly.  One goes off on her hubby for not getting up and getting her food in the middle of the night.  Another stressing over what kind of diaper brand to use. And another post there stressing over the fact that thought they have 8 weeks to go the clothes they bought for baby hasn't been washed. I can't handle going to that board anymore! because I know I'm going to snap at one soon. especially the mother who doesn't want to hold her baby right after he/she is born. That post I have been close to going off on!

So what things am I stressing about? Well being able to hold in for only a few minutes has been a really hard thing to think of. After they take him how  long will it be before I can see him again? My heart aches at that thought and I know it is needed it still a hard thing to think of! I also am very much hoping to not have to go c-section becasue if I do I may not be discharged in time for his operation! Will I be stuck in my hospital room when he's being operated on?

How am I going to handle seeing him with all those tubes and not being able to hold him after he has surgery. Of course I know he can't be held and all of this is for the best its still a hard thing to think about and that time he will be in the NICU I imagine will be one of the hardest times in life. The hardest being those hours that he is having surgery. I know in the end I will find the strength to get through all of this. I need to find it, I have no choice. It will be what it will be.


Telisha Garris said...

This is something that ALL parents worry about during sonograms.
Next up is hearing about deformities ect ect.
I consider baby sites like weddings.
It will either bring out the best or the worst in the pregnant woman as well as all those around her.
The super whiny ones to me are the bridezilla's.
I can not imagine what you are going through - and will be and do whatever you need - I know your fears, worries & concerns aren't just going to disappear.
Praying for you, your family & everyone around you!

Dawn Black said...

It's good to talk through what you are feeling. I would avoid those boards as well, petty worries are not something that will calm you or help you get through this. We all wish that this was not something you had to deal with, but we know you will get through it. I have a hard time talking with women who have no idea how hard it is for me to live with PCOS and the fears of infertility, obesity, hair lose and all the other memory issues. Find a support group of other's who have had to go through this, maybe they can give you some things you can control. You will always have our love and support, but you need to find some one who has walked through this themselves.

Heather said...

I have found a board that is other mother's with children with heart defects so that is helping a lot, because yes I can't assume to talk to you about PCOS becasue I have no idea what you are going through. I only know that my sister in law is dealing with it as well. I've also started following a few blogs for women who have had children already gone through the surgery and what not, nice reading what to expect.

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I made online friends with a group of women when we were all pregnant together 3 years ago. We had a great laugh together obsessing over all the petty worries you describe.
This year I deleted them all from my FB friends as it's too hard to read about how well their kids are doing at pre-school when my little lad isn't even talking yet.
A support group for parents in a similar situation is much more helpful and also an area where you can forget your problems and have fun - that's the stitching blog!