Monday, January 30, 2012

Complete change of perspective

The diagnosis of my son has truly changed my perspective on everything. I use to go to a board a lot that had other women who are due at the same time that I am. Now I avoid it. The questions and fears of the women on this site seems so petty and well silly.  One goes off on her hubby for not getting up and getting her food in the middle of the night.  Another stressing over what kind of diaper brand to use. And another post there stressing over the fact that thought they have 8 weeks to go the clothes they bought for baby hasn't been washed. I can't handle going to that board anymore! because I know I'm going to snap at one soon. especially the mother who doesn't want to hold her baby right after he/she is born. That post I have been close to going off on!

So what things am I stressing about? Well being able to hold in for only a few minutes has been a really hard thing to think of. After they take him how  long will it be before I can see him again? My heart aches at that thought and I know it is needed it still a hard thing to think of! I also am very much hoping to not have to go c-section becasue if I do I may not be discharged in time for his operation! Will I be stuck in my hospital room when he's being operated on?

How am I going to handle seeing him with all those tubes and not being able to hold him after he has surgery. Of course I know he can't be held and all of this is for the best its still a hard thing to think about and that time he will be in the NICU I imagine will be one of the hardest times in life. The hardest being those hours that he is having surgery. I know in the end I will find the strength to get through all of this. I need to find it, I have no choice. It will be what it will be.

Friday, January 27, 2012

32 weeks

Well I went and saw my OBGYN today and first off told him how sick I've been and I've been put on antibiotics because my cold has been lasing much to long here hopes it works! Overall I had a rough day. He won't be able to be the one who can deliver little A :/. Basically I had two options one was to start seeing a Doctor up at the U. Which I admit I didn't want to do. First off they don't take my insurance so the cost would be more, they are also a drive which once A gets here I won't care but right now I do. I do not want to take off mroe time then absolutly needed right now which I would hvae to do if I went up there for my regular appointments! I need ALL of the time I can get for when my little one gets here!

So I opted for choice two where I can continue to see the Doctor I am seeing now but go see a high risk Doctor in that Hospital who can go up and deliver my little boy. Its only about 15 minutes from my work so  I feel more comfortable with it. I may not know the Doctor whom I go to well but hey when I had Connor I got stuck with a on call Doctor anyways so you never know who you get in the end!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Long week

It has not been a fun week for well obvious reasons of course and a few less. On top of everything I've had a really bad cold. Been coughing really bad every day so much so I usually end up throwing up.. probably a little bit of to much information there but yeah its not been fun. What I wouldn't give to just veg right now, but well not going to happen. I gotta go to work can't take time off need to save as much as I can for little A! Only good thing is I have a doctor appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow. So o on top of having many questions one being if he can be the one delivering little A or if I will be getting a different Dr. I'm also now going to be bringing this never ending cold.

 Have so many worries of the up and coming month. Including how I am going to pay for it all. I have a good idea of how much it will cost though. My insurance has a limit on how much we pay over an entire year which is $6,0000. now we do not have that much money and several needed home repairs will be thrown on the back burner its still a lot better then i was thinking. just wish we could fix our garage, but it will wait. Our garage door opener isn't really working it won't close or open without us helping it open and close its sucks but hey you got to pick and choose what you can afford and it'll have to wait.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

New blog

OK I decided that yes I wanted to move all of my cross stitch stuff to anew blog. This one started out as more my personal blog and I'm going to keep it that way. My new cross stitch blog can be found here: So if you continue to want to see my cross stitch projects please go there. Because my kids will now be dominating this blog.  Talking about my kids I'm so happy with something my boogie boy is finally doing! In the last four nights he has slept in his bed ALL night for three of them. Well ok technically two but one of the times he woke up was 5 minutes before my alarm went off and after I got up to get ready for work he got up to watch Sesame Street and the other time was on Saturday and he didn't come in our room until about 8 and he fell back asleep! So I was able to sleep a bit longer to which I needed. Because since finding out about my little A I've been waking up each night at about 4 am and not being able to get back to sleep for about an hour or so :/. My cold is not helping! I've been sick on and off since the beginning of January!

I really do not have mush update rise on my little A other then me not being the greatest at times. I'm having occasional break downs, which well yeah.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Opinions needed

I realized this blog is going to take a very specific turn now, obviously from what we found out on Friday. So because of that I am thinking of making this more a personal blog following my little one to be and everything we have to go through with him, and his brother of course and taking my cross stitch and making a new blog for it. What do you all think? Keep posting with both things or separating it all? I am really thinking on splitting it up. Just not sure what to name the cross stitch blog... Something like Stitching from the Heart or... I don't know I'm terrible at naming things. Anyways untl I make my finally decision I'will post a quick update on my snowman. because what do you do when news hits you like it hit me? get busy with a project.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

My rock

There was so much information given yesterday that I did not touch upon all or most of it. First thing is after the echogram they brought us into a consultation room, very warm colors, comfortable chairs and Kleenex boxes everywhere. By that point I already suspected what they were going to tell us because the Doctor said certain things during the echo that had me on high alert. Now amazingly I did not cry in that room, didn't happen until afterwards. Hubby helped a lot. He'll be my rock in all of this . He's much stronger when it comes to these thigns then I am but he's been there, ina  different way but yes been there.

He himself has chronic asthma and when only 2 weeks old had an asthma attack that almost killed him. his younger brother was stillborn and they revived him. They had told his family his brother would always have problems and would never be able to do anything on his own. Well he now has four girls and works and does just fine on his own! His sister was a preemie and she's fine as well. Now there has been tragedy in his family as well. His oldest brother at 11 years of age was hit and killed by a man ion drugs. I guess all of this has made him very strong with all of this. his attitude right now is well the surgery will make him stronger. Yes those weeks will be hard but its a small part of his life and he will need it to live a normal life. I can''t argue with him there its still a lot to deal with those three weeks will be so beyond difficult.

Now one other thing they touched upon is how he will be feed. He will be feed by a tube for the first three weeks and they generally after they take more to the bottle the the breast at first. Now they are all set up for this as well. My room will be supplied with a breast pump so I can start pumping once he is here and well fed. I will of course need to keep it up after I am discharged which won;t be a problem I already have bought a pump knowing I would need one when I went back to work.

Friday, January 20, 2012

My baby will need heart surgery

I uh I'm not sure where to begin. I guess from the beginning. We went up to Primary's today to have the echo cardiogram and check my little Aiden's heart and see if he does in fact have a heart defect. To keep things short yes he does. The artery connected to left part of his heart is constricted restricting blood to that part of his heart that's is causing the right side of his heart to be enlarged while the left part of his heart to be smaller then normal. Because of this he will need heart surgery 3-5 days after he is born. So I will now be having him up at the University of Utah hospital so that he can be moved to Primary's Children hospital. He will be staying at the NICU at that point and will be staying there for about three weeks.

He's fine know because there is an extra  piece connected to his heart that helps give more blood to his heart. There is apparently a drug that keeps that from closing after birth which will be administered to him after he is born. But first thing they will  perform is a echo cardiogram on him to determine how and it is and then the drug will be administered.  Link for more information about this defect:

Now they say it happens in about5 out of 10,000 births, I think.. that parts a blur to me. The doctor said they do surgery about 20 times a year at that hospital and that he has never lost a baby who has had it. Connor will not be able to see him until he leaves the hospital and after surgery I won't be able to hold him for several days :/. Now he will need monitoring after this point because there is a small chance 2% that the left size of his heart will not normalize after surgery if that happens there will need to be more surgery. They did say in rare causes they have to do two surgery but its not common and normally they go up a vein in the leg and use it to enlarge that part of the heart. OK there was more to that but its blurry to. I go in again in 4 weeks for another echo cardiogram and check on if the left side has constricted more. I'll post more when I found out more information. I know now that I will be induced and oh one bit of good news he's turned and no longer breach! They said I will not need a c-section unless absolutely needed. I should have more information in a week. Because I see my OBGYN then and he'll tell me on where to go for now. Not even sure if he'll be the one there when I give birth now.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

How does this happen?

Before I get started on something I first want to do a pic update on my current cross stitch project.
Little out of focus but you anyways there it is.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

30 weeks

So my dues date is 10 weeks away! I finally got to Babies R Us and used my Christmas money/ gifts cards to buy some of what I need. I finally feel more ready now! I have been so behind on getting tings done, my house needs to be cleaned badly but I got a really bad cold and didn't do much the past 2 weeks because of it. It unfortunately hit the worse on my birthday of all days! I ended up working only 2 hours and went home and slept for 4. My birthday has never been taken as a big deal now that I'm an adult but this was by far one of the worse I've ever had, oh well there's always next year!