Saturday, March 24, 2012

Enough false hope

There is one thing I am getting frustrated with right now its the false hope the nurses keep giving me. they keep telling me that this should be done by this day but when it doesn't happen I admit its hitting me really hard. Can't they just say there not sure? because them giving me a day keeps giving me hope that is constantly being stomped away :(. So my little one will not be able to get off the ventilator until as the nurse says maybe tomorrow or Monday...will see.

When I called this morning they told me that they had taken him off of lasik (what was helping him pee) and that they were going to start weaning him off of the ventilator. Well the poor guy still has fluid on his lungs and so they do not want to take him off yet, because they do not want to have to put him back onto it. Which I understand I don't want that either! but this is partially me being selfish because once that's gone and once hes fully closed up I'll be able to hold him again! which I desperately want to do. Its so hard to have a little baby and you can't hold him you can't do much of anything but stroke his head and wait. there are days and moments when my whole pregnancy and birth and everything else feels like a dream I have to keep reminding my self that I have two boys now. Which yes I know but part of me is having trouble with it and I'm not fully sure why.I'm there everyday I just feel in haze right now.

On to some good news they've increased the amount of breast milk and he is taking it really well. the nurse says he has had many poopey diapers so yes his stomach works! And they say healing wise he is doing very well and its just mainly the fluid thing that we are waiting on. though his blood pressure keeps going up but once they give him some meds it goes back down to normal. I think he's just stressed about all the stuff in on him I can tell he hates the respirator in his mouth he is constantly trying to push it at it with his lips. I imagine once they get some of the stuff off of him it'll come back down.

He has a different nurse almost everyday the one he had today covered him in blankets which I was happy about, he likes being bundled up and so that's got to be much more comfortable for him!

Image Hosted by

No comments: