I went and to work for four hours today because my maternity is only vacation time and the more time I take off the less I have when little A gets home. I wasn't happy at the thought of it this morning cried a little but to be honest it wasn't that terrible. I think I need the distraction right now. Sure I'm still hurting a bit but its not that bad. Like I said the distraction helped. Anyways work is nothing compared to the other thing going on in my life right now.
I went and saw little A after work and I knew he would look worse before I got there I mean it was a day after a big surgery, but ti was still so beyond hard to see him. He's right arm is very swollen due to the IV in his hand. He has IVs in both hands and one foot and the other foot has a monitor on it/ All of which appear to be very tender because of it.
He hasn't been peeing enough and has caused excess fluid on his lungs. The respiratory is helping with that and becasue of this it sounds like its staying for longer then they had originally estimated. Not coming out until the very earliest Saturday. Also becasue he isn't peeing enough he is jaundice and has fluorescent lights on him. His face is covered in a mask to protect his eyes. Also can't get really good pictures becasue the light and my camera do not mix.
He has a feeding tube in his nose and is getting a small amount of breast milk every hour to see if he can tolerate it. They say if he does they will increase the amount tomorrow. I didn't stay as long as I had originally planned I couldn't handle see him today. Every time the nurse checked on him he'd grimace or flinch. they needed to measure his tummy and I could tell that really hurt him. I tried to talk to him a little but even then he seemed agitated by it and when I touched his knee.. one of the few places that didn't have tubes or monitors he'd move away from the touch. Basically I did my best to not start crying in that room made it to my car and cried my eyes out... I'm crying as I type this now. I can't stand seeing him in so much pain it breaks my heart.
2 comments:
Wish I could just give you a big hug. Here I am crying over my stupid dog and it's nothing compared to what you and Aiden are going through. I'm so happy on the one hand that they can do all of this to make him healthy but the hurt it takes first is hard to hear about.
I hope he gets strong and healthy soon so this can just be an unpleasant story he won't remember experiencing. I imagine it'll feel like forever til that time comes but one day it will all be behind you and there will be days you can't wait to send him to grandma's for some quiet time. ;)
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Stay strong... I realize saying that just sounds silly but ah well. Keeping you in my thoughts!
When people talk about how strong you are during "trials" don't you just want to look at them and say, if by the fact that I am still semi sane and still breathing counts as being strong then yup your right!
So while you are in the depths of dispare lets be thankful (one tiny moment I know) we live in an age they could see the problem.
They could fix the problem.
They did fix the problem and he made it through the surgery just fine!
He is a trooper!
He is not a 3 pd baby that needs to drink or eat every moment to stay alive.
He will be home soon!
This will all be over soon with a slim to none chance of having to do it again.
If none of these make you feel even the slightest bit happy - feel free to come on over and take your anger or hurt out on any part of my lawn (with a shovel, hammer, hoe, rake - weapon of your own choice)
Then you can stay for dinner ;)
I get it - nothing will be right in the world until he comes home.
Praying he does as soon as its safe for him.
Love you!
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